I'm losing my mind. I drove up to harrisburg for a gig friday night. The gig wasn't until saturday, but, you know. It's all good. The staff seemed rather confused to see me. But it's all good, I came home and took a nap.

I got "Kingdom Come" Jay-Z's new album, a lot of people seem to not like it. It's not his typical stuff... which i like. I dig the beats a lot. I'd especially check out the tune Lost Ones, produced by Dr. Dre, it's like a really stripped down soul beat, I dig the shit out of it.

Man, Dan Melius sent me a freakin tear jerker of a video yesterday. It's just a bunch of clips from school set to a very Melius style touching song. Really big time made me miss school, and friends. Best days of my life indeed. even with all that other shit attached.

Jordan I couldn't agree more, as soon as it's warm again I think a large picnic somewhere with lots of grass for a GOFSP reunion is well in order... Maybe find a big public park somewhere between here and there. Me and the bach and whomever else can head north, while the lot on that end moves south. or something like that. Maybe just everyone meet at the valley, haha.


My family added a new member yesterday, My father bought a 50's Oliver 550 front end loader, to try and dissade mom's protests, he's claiming now he can plow our drive way and a hundred other useful things he can do with a front end loader. But really, I think he just wanted a new toy for us to play with. either way, i'm looking forward to fixing it up.. and hopefully taking it to the next steam engine show... Which by the way, as of this year, will be featuring two show's a year, instead of one. Exciting for most of my family... Depressing for my mother. She'll Live

danny

I hate night's like tonight. Temporary insomnia is not something that anyone should find enjoyable for any reason. Staying up all night is cool and helpful sometimes, like when you're at a really hep party, or if you work 3rd shift. But when you have nothing to do, no one to see, and all you really want to do is sleep. It really takes a toll on you.

The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened to me, but it isn't, it happen's more and more frequently. I'm not all that sure i've had more than a night or two of consistent good sleep since graduating from college. Maybe i'm not getting enough "triumph for my magic steel" in the morning. Or maybe i'm just not drinking enough.

A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.

- Charlotte Brontë

Insomnia is a gross feeder. It will nourish itself on any kind of thinking, including thinking about not thinking.

- Clifton Fadiman

It's really the root of the problem, I think, Just like that lunesta commercial says, You can't shut your brain off. Mine's on a real roll tonight. sometimes I can meditate it away. But not when it's this constant. I really wish I was a better writer, I get good ideas on nights like tonight. But every time I try to write it always turns out poorly.

If a man had as many ideas during the day as he does when he has insomnia, he'd make a fortune.

- Griff Niblack

Or at least he'd be able to write a decent book. Given he had any sort of skill in that department. I suppose i'm writing all this. But it's definentally not any sort of literary genious. My gramatical, and spelling errors are usually enough to completly destroy anything I write. and my sloppy sort of too short, or run on sentences really kill any other hope i'd have. I suppose I could go all Mark Twain and say i'm just trying to write the way I speak. But i don't think anyone would buy it. I'd fancy practicing writing in a journal of sorts... but i'm sure i'd be too embarassed to show it to anyone, and thusly, wouldn't get any feedback, and wouldn't get any better.

Four O'clock in the morning is not the most convient time for me to have these thoughts.

I hate people with excuses. and I hear a lot of them. I don't mind people who don't want to hang out, don't feel like going out of the house, and don't feel like being around me. That is fine. But don't bullshit me. I don't care, if I ask you to do anything, anywhere, anytime, and you just plain old fashioned don't want to, Just tell me. Really, i'm pretty much beyond needing explanations for everything. You can tell when people are reaching for a good excuse, because you'll usually get 3 or 4 reasons in quick succession. Usually along the lines of.... I don't REALLY have enough time, you asked me TOO late, I'm not REALLY in the mood, I'm SORT OF SUPPOSED to do X. Well i promised so and so i'd do this... This sort of bullshit needs to stop. For now on, just go with what you're really thinking. Dan, I don't want to hang out with you tonight. Yes my feelings will be hurt... but they are anyway. Or they won't be. Either way, give me the dignity of a little honesty.

Danny

P.S. I have gotten some honest good excuses, IE. Dude, i'd love to come, but I live in Jersey. I'd accept that one.