Belated thanksgiving.....

Let's see, in thanksgiving '05... well, in '05 in general... i didn't feel i had very much to be thankful for... in fact i was quite sure for awhile that my life wasn't even worth keeping on with... last year left me with scars, and pain... will either ever go away? judging from sights around me, probably not... the thing is, that despite all the scars and pain... there is alot blooming around me... Driving back home late this evening... i realized just how much i really am thankful for.

first is my friends... the good friends... the best friends... the people that have constantly held me up, even when often enough they could barely stand on their own... I know she doesn't read this but shiela especially will hold a special place in my heart... mayhaps for the rest of my silly little life... she went far beyond the call of friend.. and i'm very thankful to have her a part of my life...
Some friends don't hold you up when your down... but push you to your limits when you are lax... jason Bachman has been pushing me to new heights, and i love him for it... Not only do i find his programming to be amazing in general in the House of Falling leaves our monthly radioshow... but everytime i hear something new he's moved a few more steps ahead... so i already feel like i'm running to keep up with his natural genious... then this morning in my e-mail i recieved a challenge... a dare, or battle if you will... It's going to take something amazing to rise to this challenge, and although i'm not going to go into detail at the moment.. let me just say i'm very excited about it.
Nextly i'm thankful for the random series of events that put me in touch with Chester Attic, the band i've been playing with fairly reguarly, and will be playing with at the very least twice monthly this year. We just finished up another outstanding gig... at Jackie Blue a new restuarant and bar in midtown harrisburg... we'll be playing there alot more this year... but the first impression was good anyway. We were asked to perform a few encore songs by the owner of the restaurant, and a crowd of excited bar people... and it was good... also i played happy birthday, twice this evening.. the first time i was told it was the sexiest happy birthday they'd ever heard... the second got me asked out by three different girls... so upon hearing the news of my unavailability, procedeed to make sure i told my girlfriend that she was a lucky girl... and if she ever wanted to get rid of me, to give them a call... lol, perhaps a bit overrated.. but it was fun.... for happy birthday.
Then there is that lucky girlfriend, my amber 'lizabeth... or liz, as i'm slowly taking to calling her for no good reason... i told her about all my baggage, my annoying shitty habits, the worst of me, i told her all this upfront.. in what was an attempt to push her away because of how scared i was to be in another relationship. instead of running away, she has proceeded to take me for what i am, and what i seem to be meant to be. she seems to like me for me, not my potential, not for some idealized view of me... but just for what i am... baggage, shit and all...
so far '06 has been interesting if nothing else... and a bit of a wild ride.

Night
And the spirit of life
Calling

Oh, oh, iyo
Mamela [Listen]
Oh, oh, iyo

And a voice
With the fear of a child
Answers

Oh, oh, iyo
Oh, mamela [Listen]
Oh, oh, iyo

Ubukhosi bo khokho [Throne of the ancestors]
We ndodana ye sizwe sonke [Oh, son of the nation)]

Wait
There's no mountain too great
Oh, oh, iyo
Hear the words and have faith
Oh, oh, iyo
Have faith


p.s. - i'm also thankful for my insence, which makes my house smell like a buddhist temple.

There is so much i think i could.. or should say... but i really don't know how to say it.

Life has a funny way of making as little sense as possible... i feel so much pain, and so much joy right now... i don't want them to cancell each other out... if that makes any sense at all...

I bought some insense that is supposed to smell just like an indian temple.... i really really like it... it's aroma compliments my entry way buddha very nicely... (is that buddha?, my sisters asked.) these are things... among many.. that bring me joy.
Because it's late and i'm feeling bad with words... this song will have to do.

You never hear what the hell i'm trying to say
You have nothing to say to me
it's as if my voice is too small for you to hear
You won't even respond to me
And you're crying, crying all by yourself
But what am i to do, for i'm crying too
Accept your fate all alone in the dead of night!
High tail it past all the chaos
Keep high tailing it through the night
High tail it twoard your home land
and whenever your surpass this world, the heavens will be waiting for you
yeah, yeah

Wow, so long time since i've updated, and an even longer time since i've updated with anything of signifigance.... there are two reasons for this... A) I haven't been spending even a quarter of the amount of time i used to in front of the compute. and B) I have so many emotions and what not in my head that i really didn't know what i'd write.. My life has definentally undergone some serious changes these last few months... but i think things have turned for the better again as they so often do.

Firstly i haven't spoken to Erin in a long time, and there are still some regrets on my part over how the whole thing turned out. I don't know what to do about it, but i wish her the best, and i hope she finds happiness.... and i'd gladly take back all the pain i've caused her.

There is someone new in my life... which even i didn't really see coming (apparentlly others did more than me) an old acquaintence at best from highschool resurfaced in my life. And although I did honestly everything i could think of to make her not be interested in me. She's quite stubborn. cute as hell but quite stubborn. Her name is amber fry (if your honestly interested, (no known relation to kate fry, lvc'ers) but we are creepily comfortable together... and maybe a little too cute. in some ways we're opposites, but all the opposites have failed to become oppositions, instead they seem to compliment each other very well (ie. i'm a slob, and she enjoys cleaning, and although she can clean and organize like no one's bussiness, I'm the only one who can cook, haha) but things are nice.

I'm almost completly moved into my house. The bedroom needs decoration like no body's bussiness, but all the other rooms are just about complete (pictures on the walls and everything) me and dad still need to run a new water line to see if the washer/drying works... and get a new faucet put on the bathroom sink, and alter some things with the toilet.. but that's about it for the major stuff. I've been sleeping down here on a regular basis. The only thing there isn't alot of is food, so i still go upstairs(to my parents house lol, for food on occasion) there is an x-box, amber's gamecube has been living here, and a ps2 slim me and amber bought, so the videogames are covered... so's the booze.. haha, come have a drink. or watch a movie, which are alphabetized...

hmmm that's pretty good for now. I recommend if you haven't listened to the House of Falling Leaves Podcast yet, you do so. Episode 3 is up and we're only getting cooler from there. If you don't know how to find and listen to podcasts drop me a line. I think you'll enjoy it...

Well, maybe if life settles down a little more i'll post here more often. we'll see. all i know is this moment is ok by me.