redclawthepirate: Sadly i know i'm always going to love her
redclawthepirate: and want to be more than friends
----------: awww
redclawthepirate: So i'll be her friend and give her space, and just hope for the best
----------: well then giving her time certainly shows that, Good for you Dan!

things I miss continued...

going to Target for DVD's and stopping by the purses and shoes... and always trying to buy you the ones you like, and the ones you don't.
Italian sub at quizno's
veggie delite at subway
Shopping, especailly at the OUTLETS!!
When we like the same CD.
Getting lost on the way back from Maynard Ferguson... and your reaction to how that night turned out.
I miss watching you work so hard at something, and really having it pay off in the end.
and picnics at pinchot.
camping at the beach...
and kissing you... man ohh man the things I wouldn't do for that kiss to have not been our last.

Things I already miss about you

Your smile, and us happy together
Kismet
Taking your picture
Helping you make peanut brittle
Hiking with you, and camping too
Fighting with Molly
Fighting with Ellie
Two thanksgivings
You getting frustrated trying to explain chemistry to me
Me getting frustrated trying to explain music to you
Downloading you albums i'll never listen too
Listening to those albums with you anyway
Olive Garden, Wendy's, A-won
You always beliving in my stupid dreams
and Cuddling, I really miss holding you, and just being with you, we were good at that.
Really depressed that this list is just the tip of the iceberg... I miss you real bad.

Don't you think,

Don't you think if it hurts us both this much. It's probably wrong.
Don't you think if the pain doesn't ebb. It's probably wrong.
We always talked, I miss that now, I really miss talking to you. If I could do that, maybe I wouldn't feel so much like dying.

Don't you think?

Why Oasis... Why the one Cd I could always turn to... Not because of Oasis, but because the my own personal experience. Why quote Oasis. I pulled this damn knife from my side... so why does the wound keep feeling deeper... There's not a track on that CD that doesn't bring back memories... the good ones.. the kind i dream about at night, and wake up in horror, worrying that those were the last of them.
I'm honestly not strong enough for any of this.

Falling apart

I've called off "sick" from work for two days now. How do you explain to your boss that being there is going to remind you of someone and your going to cry. Sleep was the last place I had that my heart didn't race, but last night i dreamt we were happy, and together, I woke up and was sure i wanted to be dead. They say time heals all wounds, but i wonder if this is fatal.

.

Just the mention of your name makes me weep. Dying might scare me again if hell feels like this.