Well if this post is half as long as my day i truly apologize.

i'm entitling this post... behind enemy lines...

today was a long day.

It started off normal enough, I took amber to physical therapy, then to her class.
Upon arriving home I made lunch... some george forman chicken, some pittsburg steak salad, waffle fries, some left over nachos.. you know.. cool.
Then sadly i had to take amber home.. hung out at her place a bit, and chilled with the Lou Dog.
Took a nice hot shower, and went through about 4 outfits till i found something semi decent for my gig at six... ok, all dressed... ohhhhh bam phone call from the drummer, the gig isn't going to be from 6-10 like i was told... it's from 9-12... ohhhhh k...... So what should I do with the extra three hours... hmmmm..... the amazingly cute girlfriend isn't here... The general is, but he's just a turtle and beyond being very good at escaping turtle tanks, he's not really much of a play mate... I know! Final Fantasy... ahhh, three hours flew by...
Ok now i'm in harrisburg, things are back on track, play a pretty decent gig.. the first set wasn't steller, but the second was tight, and the third was a blast... My cousin jason, and his friend (my friend too actually) came for the third set... Which was cool... Ok gig is over, I'm paid, packed, and ready to head home to my bed...... No no no, jason says, your in harrisburg and it's only midnight there will be no bed... so instead he drags me and courtney to stallions... ohh yeah, that's right, stallions, the gay bar/club.... so there i am standing "behind enemy lines". and the three of us are watching all the gay people dance (very poorly) and generally having a good laugh over some of the... how should we say, unique patrons.... when i dunno, all of life, seemed to be there for me..... It's odd to watch ugly gay people dancing badly, and to feel so many emotions.
Firstly I realized how much i missed amber, it had only been a few hours... but, i feel.... right with her around... unfortunatally i also feel hurt over my breakup with erin.... i don't know quite how to describe it... I think the problem is, that even now, i don't hate her, a part of me probably still loves her... but in it's place is a scar on my emotions.. that just won't seem to heal... I don't want to sound like i'm suffering too bad or anything... but standing there with the music blasting in my ears i realized how much i've changed.. and how parts of me will never change..I'm very grateful for love, it's amazing... the love from my family, whom i've grown much closer too than i have been in quite a few years... my sister especially... maybe fighting most of the way through childhood was good, because it means we can be closer now.. she's grown up in to a very cool person, and it'll be sad when she leaves for pittsburg, but i'm very proud of her.... There is the love i get while playing... not from anyone in particular... just, pure emotion, when a song hits just right, and my fingers take over, and fly across my keys... i love that, walls of sound coltrane called it... or someone called what he did... i love hearing walls of sound in my own playing... Perhaps right now the best love of all is from amber... her's is the strongest perhaps... my family will always love me, they are my family, it's what family's do... amber never had to love me.... she gets all of me, the good, and alot of the bad... but, when i'm with her, my faults dont' seem so bad....whether they are realy no big deal to her, or if she just plays it off that way, i don't know if i'll ever know... she balances me out so well.... she even managed to turn my house into a home...

So there you go... physical therapy, to gay bar...... long day....

ps. don't worry babe, i didn't dance with any boys... or girls for that matter... or any of the... well, lets just say, inbetweens.