What was I doing again? Shit I don't really remember.. I feel so stretched and so scattered, it started raining, a nice chilly autum rain. Makes me want to dance or cry i'm not sure which. Either way I can't seem to focus real well.. Maybe I need a good book. Or just a deep one. shit, it's midnight. When did it get around to being midnight? I guess that leaves the library out as an option. I could have sworn it was 10:15 a few minutes ago... where the hell did this evening go? Being able to concentrate would take me a long way. I can't even count the number of reasons I don't want to get up tomorrow. Tuesday's are the worst. At least I had a great weekend.. Erin fell down the steps fri and sprained her ankle, so we spent alot of time laying around, it was nice. I lik eher. I got to play some card games with my family, and they finally seem able to discuss the wedding. That was nice too, but just being with erin is nice. God, nice seems like such a dull word.. Cause being with erin is way better than nice... maybe it's because I don't have to think alot, and I know I can just sort of be myself, and she's ok with that. Not that we can't have a deep discussion or anything, it's just when you know someone so well like that, you don't need to talk all the time.. it just isn't nessisary. Bah i'm rambling... sorry, i think it's the rain... When do I get to win the lotto and retire in the hills somewhere, a little music, meditation. and nothing else, I'd think about becoming a monk. But celebacy really isn't for me. and I'd miss Erin too much.. Way too much... but other than that, being a monk appeals to me.

Maybe I could chant.

It's hard enough to remember my opinions without remembering my reasons for them