Ok, I stole this from Jordan's Page, but only because, I think it's mighty mighty good. And because not everyone who knows me, know also Jordan, Insofar as anyone can really know anyone.. but, that's really a different conversation.


Some of The Lost Parables of Jesus (From which Evangelical Republicans base their political platform)

Mark 44: 12-22

And Jesus, clean-shaven and dressed in his usual armani suit and tie he purchased at a Men's Warehouse on the River Jordan, stood up among his followers and spoke:

"Blessed be the market, for it shall establish order! Blessed be the corporations, for they shall be rewarded with great tax cuts and political say! Blessed be all those who bomb, shoot, torture, maim and disfigure in my name, for ye are the true peacemakers!

But woe to you lazy minorities on welfare, for the scourge of the market shall be upon you and your family for your lack of motivation and ability to work and hold down a steady job! Woe to poor and senior citizens who complain about not having healthcare, for the Lord sayeth this is the way it shall be; for you shall end up in Hades for your transgressions where there will be many screams and gnashing of teeth, and watchings of reality TV shows like American Idol with the annoying vocals of testicleless Clay Aiken upon thy ears!"

John 33 1/3: -0.256 to Pi

And Jesus said to his disciples after viewing many television programs on the Bravo network, "I sayeth to you that, I pimp daddy Jesus who gets with all da ladies in da hizzouse, demand in the name of the Lord that all backdoor bandits and carpetlickers be hearby banded from being recognized as married under the Roman government; also, these queerbags whom the Lord disdains with all his unforgiving and hateful might shall be permitted from adopting children or being portrayed as human beings in hollywood or the media. For they are an evil lot who like to dress up in nice clothes, decorate their homes and do lots of cooking and watching of the Lifetime Network. Woe be onto them. Woe. Woe. My love is like Woe. Woooooeee, there Silver...! Jesus away!"