Sunday, November 20, 2005

Does anyone know why music is different than chemistry? I will tell you a secret... my evening revelation... perhaps it's the late hour, or the ache in my head... or these damndable pills i've been taking... but they are the same. And not just music and chemistry either... they're just the two i've compared a thosand times... but all tasks are the same... the arts, the sciences, the humanities... They all seek to create... and that creation is the point... I use notes to make a song, or words to write a poem, perhaps marks to draw a picture, but to say this is art and the sciences are not is just not so. A chemist will use molecules to make elements, and elements to make compounds and compounds to make all sorts of things... perhaps the lead in the pencils i draw with.. even the most cunning of bussiness men try to make money. the creation of wealth... it's only when you discover what you think wealth is... that you can really enjoy what you do. I've been in a slump... but i think i finally realize what my wealth is.. because it's certainly not money, many of you know i don't give two shits for money...
my wealth is people, it seems odd... especially since i tend to not like many people... maybe i'm getting older, or the parts of me that like to act tough just don't bother... but i love people... I tried to describe to someone today how it feels to honestly not hate anyone... and i don't.. sure some people irritate me, some have hurt me, take anonymous for example, only talks to me when they want to degrade me, and their's been many anonymous's in my life... A very dear friend of mine once knew that i also feel like no one believes in me... i'm still that way.. but I really still can't say i hate anyone.. So call it co-dependancy if you will.. I'll gladly be co-dependant... because when it boils clean down to it... music, art, videogames, books, my saxophone, anything at all... without other people to share that with.. i just don't care. If no one listened to my music, i wouldn't keep playing it... no more than i suspect a dentist would keep cleaning teeth if people didn't have any. Anything in this world, good or evil, can only mean anything to us, when reflected by the people we love.

1 Comments:

At 9:29 PM, Blogger jordan said...

i don't think you quite understand what i mean by co-dependancy. it's one thing to love people and love sharing the ups and downs of life with them so as to not be lonely, have a sounding board, and others with whom to experience. i'm in a relationship. i desperately miss playing in bands. trust me, i know what that's like. but that's what i mean. i make a distinction between being social and relying on others for happiness. only we control our own happiness. as you've stated on my journal, the way we view life is our own problem -- seeing beauty or ugliness in the world is a matter of perception. and, as a consequence, relationships are all perception. to allow other to control our emotions is codependancy.

 

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